Resentment is Self-inflicted

If you are anything like me you’ll understand what it is like to let bitterness fester in your heart for no justifiable reason. I am an introvert by nature and I tend to internalise my emotions. If I walk away from a situation of un-resolved conflict or if I felt hurt by someone, I would juggle certain thoughts in my head until it becomes a complete bitter chaos. This often happens when I am left alone for long periods of time, as those are the times that I switch into deep thought, but I also need these times to gain energy as I am an introvert. I need time to let my thoughts process in order to find a proper resolution.

I know some people that can let their frustrations out by swearing, physically beating something or reactively confronting (I call them “reactive” people). These things do nothing for me. I have a need to find a logical solution to help me come to terms with my thoughts. I used to be of quite a reactive nature when I was younger (I used to get rather violent at primary school) but I have now become surprisingly internalised and would dare not react to hardly anything anymore. I wouldn’t hurt a flea. There is definitely a necessity for my mind to process the conflicting thoughts in my head. If I react before I come to terms with where I stand, the outcome would be very messy, the few people that know me very well would know this.

All my life I have admired the people that can somehow swallow their pride, turn the other cheek and overcome the most unjust situations without any sign of resentment. My parents have been tremendous roll models when it comes to humility, servant hood and strength. I couldn’t ask for a more compassionate and joyful mother, or a father more loyal, more capable of bringing justice in the most merciful way. I have seen the glory of God shine through the way they love others, a love never forced or pretended. Jesus was the most selfless person who ever lived, and he’s supposed to be living in me… something quite unbelievable knowing how self-centred I can be. The truth is despite my great up bringing and my admiration for Jesus, I am still human, still caught up in the sinful desires that humans have.

I have let myself resent the people that never deserved it, simply because I am still not in complete control of my emotions. I feel hurt by many things, many people, but I also hurt others too…I’m sure. I think the only way I can bring a healthy conclusion to the resentful thoughts in my head about others is to start looking at them in the way God might see them. I think every person in the world is beautiful in God’s eyes, no matter how corrupt they are, because he sees them through Jesus. If we want to see a change take place in our thinking we need to make that choice. As we choose to follow Jesus we must also choose to not be bitter. I think we are fully capable of falling away from salvation through our own choices. If not, what is free will? Resentment is self-inflicted and must be self-resolved. No one else will do that for you. Change takes place through our own choice. Everyday I need to make a decision between these two choices, Jesus or me.

The Importance of Christian Fellowship

I have for a while been pondering on the idea of “church” and why we meet every Sunday (or for my church – every Thursday and Saturday night). I had many questions circulating in my mind about whether it is important for us to keep meeting and running services like this at a regular basis or not. For a person like me who has pretty much been attending church “religiously” all his life it is easy to just go through the motions and not really think twice or question anything about why we keep going. If someone had asked me about 4 years ago why I go to church, I’m pretty sure I would’ve said something naïve like “to meet with God, of course”, without thinking anything of the absurd statement I just made. First of all it would’ve been a completely dishonest thing for me to say, and secondly, why can’t we meet with God outside of church? Does God only dwell in the closed up space of this fellowship we call church?

I attended the Thursday service at Blueprint (www.blueprintchurch.com) this week and Jonny Gilling’s message really caught me out of surprise. I had been very anti-church lately and ultimately anti-Christian, something I am not exactly proud of, but I guess I could say somehow Jonny’s message reminded me of the things that I had forgotten. It wasn’t so much the topic he was speaking on but just a very small section of his message stuck out to me. It was somewhere along the lines of “church, this place where we meet and seek the presence of God and interact with each other, is like the first 10mins of a rugby game. It is only the beginning of the 90-minute-long game. Unfortunately we have grown accustomed to just attending and leaving church, only experiencing the mere 10% of what we are called to be as Christians, and that 10% is what we have settled to live for.” (that is definitely in my own wording but hopefully I was able to vaguely cover his point).

I have been thinking of church as the preparation stage before we go out into the world and spread the word. I think it still is to an extent but I think I have come to a deeper understanding of what this means and how we should do this. Going to church every Sunday isn’t going to prepare you for anything if you don’t have a vision. Also the preparation doesn’t happen in your mind but your heart, a kind of learning progress that is much harder to comprehend, as you have no control over, or clear understanding of it. By interacting with other Christians, making friends, and fellowshipping we learn from each other. Things that you can’t learn from a book, hearing the things that real people go through. The things we read in the Bible are put into context through our understanding of the reality of mankind, humans, real people.

The way a church service is run, it is designed in the kind of way so that we are able to put God in the focal point – Singing songs to GOD, having someone share a testimony about GOD’s work in their life, and hear the word being preached about what we think GOD is saying to the church etc. This is the place where we are taught about the wondrous being of God and how we are able to take part in His ultimate plan, and the interaction with one another connects us to the greater body of Christ. THAT, I believe, is what church is all about.

The constant exposure to God’s revelation of the Word and the unity that is achieved in taking part in the corporate worship, exaltation and adoration of God should fill us up to the point where our hearts are overflowing with compassion and love. When the community feels dry and unfulfilling, maybe it’s time we re-examined what our personal purposes are in going to church. Because I absolutely do think that church is a place where we build each other up and encourage each other. We have to be outward thinkers with the true compassion of the Lord for us to be strong enough to help others as well as our selves.

There’s a quote from a recent family movie called “Barnyard” that goes like this:

“A strong man will stick up for himself, but an even stronger man sticks up for others.”

I think the cheesy quote has a good point. Maybe each one of us should be aiming to be that “stronger man”. No longer looking to the church to be supported but to be the support for the church. The true servant heart is only born out of this kind of outward view, out to strengthen others and make a difference in peoples lives.

"As the Father loved Me, I also loved you; continue in My love. If you keep My commandments you will continue in My love, as I have kept My Father's commandments and continue in His love. I have spoken these things to you that My joy may abide in you, and your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I loved you. Greater love than this has no one, that anyone should lay down his soul for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. I no longer call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his lord does. But I called you friends, because all things which I heard from My Father I made known to you. You have not chosen Me, but I chose you out and planted you, that you should go and should bear fruit, and your fruit remain, that whatever you should ask the Father in My name, He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another." - Jesus (John 15:9-17)

Is "Pride" Really Evil?

There is a common understanding among people that any form of “pride” that manifests itself through a person is unattractive. Pride is a type of characteristic that is frowned upon in our society. Especially in religious circles, where it is common knowledge that denying oneself is the only path to righteousness or enlightenment, pride is something to be avoided at all times. Some Christians are taught that if one sees a form of “pride” developing in a brother it is one’s “duty” to stop it in it’s tracks, as if it were paying him a favour, or “helping him not to stumble.” Could it be that pride was a gift from God that has been misunderstood and abused by people, like sex; through which it’s true meaning has been distorted?

In order to really understand whether this is the case or not we must first identify the true meaning of the word “pride.” Here is the English Dictionary’s explanation of the word:

Pride – noun: feeling of self-worth or esteem; excessive self-esteem; a sense of one’s own importance etc.

It is a necessity for human survival to have a sense of self-worth. In the lowest stages of a man’s life it is the sense of self-worth that keeps him persevering. I know that my self-esteem is a product of the love that I have received, and still receive, from God, family, and friends. Without their love and support I would have much less confidence in myself, and the complete absence of self-esteem, I believe, can ultimately result in suicide.

Nathaniel Branden, a teacher/writer of objectivist ethics and philosophies, has made a great point on how we misunderstand what true pride is (in this particular case it is referred to as ‘intellectual pride’). Here is a passage taken from one of his objectivist essays, Mental Health versus Mysticism:

“Intellectual pride is not – as the mystics preposterously imply it to be – a pretence at omniscience or infallibility. On the contrary, precisely because man must struggle for knowledge, precisely because the pursuit of knowledge requires effort, the men who assume this responsibility properly feel pride.

Sometimes, colloquially, pride is taken to mean a pretence at accomplishments one has in fact not achieved. But the braggart, the boaster, the man who affects virtues he does not possess, is not proud; he has merely chosen the most humiliating way to reveal his humility.

Pride is one’s response to ones power to achieve values, the pleasure one takes in one’s own efficacy. And it is this that mystics hold as evil.” (The Virtue of Selfishness – Ayn Rand, pg 44)

Branden states that real pride is the ultimate reward one receives from one’s achievements. This can be achieved by any form of productive work from completing an essay to cleaning the house. The kind of “pride” that is seen as unattractive is the dishonest pride that is not earned, and this is often born out of insecurity and low self-esteem, quite the opposite to the true meaning of pride.

Christians see pride as a threat to the compassionate heart, one that encourages self-ambition and gives little room for the consideration of others that maybe less fortunate. As an essential part of Christian value is to give to the poor and feed the hungry, it is believed that one must think of his/her own needs as a secondary priority. Albert Schweitzer, a man responsible for starting one of the first hospitals in the Congo, once said, “The only really happy people are those who have learned how to serve.” This value of serving others as being the key to a life of fulfilment and happiness is becoming a popular understanding even outside religious circles today, and it stems from the acts and teachings of Jesus.

Well then does pride have a place in the life of true happiness? Is the feeling of self-worth and achievement a selfish indulgence that should be completely absent from a life of fulfilment? On the other hand, if there were no rewards given to us for our good works would we see any point in continuing? Nathaniel Branden states this time in his essay The Psychology of Pleasure, something of interest concerning these questions:

“One of the hallmarks of a man of self-esteem, who regards the universe as open to his effort, is the profound pleasure he experiences in the productive work of his mind; his enjoyment in life is fed by his unceasing concern to grow in knowledge and ability – to think, to achieve, to move forward, to meet new challenges and overcome them – to earn the pride of a constantly expanding efficacy.” (The Virtue of Selfishness – Ayn Rand, pg 73)

Here Branden points out the need of pride as a reward to one’s productive work. There is a necessity in human nature for a sense of appreciation, a reward that affirms the value of the productive work. If a painter’s painting is received and embraced as a good work of art would that give the painter an incentive to carry on painting? Or on the other hand if his painting is rejected and criticised severely what would his purpose be to carry on painting? Possibly the belief he has in his ability to paint better works? Or the pride he holds in himself as a unique artist who paints art for the sake of art? Either way it is the belief he has in himself, his ability and quality of his product that keeps him on the task. Man produces great things once he has acquired an understanding of his own self-worth.

From the Christian point of view, it is the understanding that God loves us, cares for us, and wants the best for us that gives us the purpose to live. The pride that we have in our selves as the Children of God gives us self-esteem. And the understanding of our importance to God that gives us our self-assurance. Our lives are based on the relationship that we have with God; therefore our lives are shaped by doing the things that please Him. If we did not hold pride in this relationship, if we were ashamed of it, we will not be bothered to build it. We could not call ourselves believers, and definitely not followers, of God.

The truth is pride is something that every person with self-esteem possesses and needs. To correct one’s prideful character is to damage one’s self-esteem. Too often we have mistaken humility with self-deprecation, and too often we have misjudged insecurity for pride. As Christians we have to be careful that we don’t become legalistic altruists. As Jesus said, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39) we ought to learn to love ourselves first in order to really know how to love others. The pride that we take in ourselves as truly valuable beings of God will enable us to learn to see others in that way also.


© 2007 A. S. Tate